Archive for the ‘repartee’ Category

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Shades of grey

July 20, 2012

Me: Check this out. It’s a grey and brown hair. But look – the brown bit is not the end, it’s the root.

He: Hang on, let me have a look in the light.

A pause, while he inspects the hair in question and verifies my outlandish claim.

He: It seems you are ungreying. Or perhaps turning brindle.

We both turn to look at our brindle dog. Her brown eyes remain inscrutable.

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Profound thoughts inspired by travel

April 20, 2012

Curmudgeon: Imagine how strange it would be if the word ‘bet’ was spelled like the word ‘debt’.

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Dead funny

March 5, 2012

While riding to work this morning, we went past a tradie van plastered with a silly company name.

Me: That’s stupid. You can’t just add ‘time’ to the name of your product to get your company name. Imagine if you were ‘Booktime Books’. Or ‘Treatment Time Doctors’.

He: What about ‘Lunchtime’ for a cafe? That works.

Me: ‘Lunchtime Lunches’? LAME. Or ‘Deathtime Funerals’. Hey, you know, given that the opportunities for punning are on par with hairdressers and Thai restaurants, I think it’s time that there were more hilarious funeral parlour names. If you got hit by a bus and I had to plan your funeral, I’d always choose a punny name over a wafty dreary white-dove sort of name because that’s what you’d want.

He: Like what?

Me: How about ‘Death Warmed Up?’ Hahahhahahahah.

He: *groan*

Me: Can’t you see the ads? Swanky funeral, people grieving in a satisfied-customer sort of way, someone says, “Looks like Death Warmed Up.”

He: How about ‘Keep Your Urn’.

Me: Oooh, I like that one. It’s a slow-burner. Or how about a concept crematorium? Doubles as a pizza oven so catering for the wake is sorted?

He: I don’t think that would work.

Me: Yep, the oven would be too hot for pizza. But it would put the fun back into funerals! How about ‘Good Grief’? Or ‘A Tisket, a Tasket, I want an Open Casket?’

He: I’ve got to get to work. *zips off down the road, grateful for the respite*

Me: Dearly departed.

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Me and he

September 26, 2011

Me: Are you enjoying the wisteria?

He: It blooms in wisterious ways.

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Books with birds in the title

February 12, 2011

My list:

  • To Kill a Mockingbird
  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  • John Steinbeck’s classic, Canary Row

His list:

  • The Thorn Birds
  • Jemima Puddleduck
  • Mr Chicken Goes to Paris

Your turn. Go on, put a bird on it.

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Self-caught

January 21, 2011

I was carrying some stuff to work that didn’t quite fit in my bag. I set it on the cafe table while I waited for my coffee to arrive.

When it did, the waitress asked, “Fish for lunch?”

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Vote 1 Guy Smiley

November 27, 2010

“Have you already had a sausage in this election?”

– the question they really should ask at the polling booth

Did you vote? We did. Muddy wooden floors, blunt pencils, recycled ballot boxes with new instructions scribbled in texta over the top of the federal election rules, dog yelping from her post tied up outside. Paper cuts from fighting off the people handing out how-to-vote cards.

Earlier this morning:

He: If you were a Muppet, which one would you be?

Me: You mean which one I look like, or which one has the same personality as me?

He: That you look like.

Me: I don’t know…

He: How about Big Bird?

Me: Why? Because I’m tall and hippy? Rude man.