Archive for the ‘I made this’ Category

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Meet my new-found cholesterol problem

July 14, 2011

I just bought BAKE by the Australian Women’s Weekly after some years of drooling covetousness. Now I feel obliged to make everything in there before I die. It may hasten my death. But it will be a good death – buttery, moist, and adorned with chocolate curls.

First recipe made – lemon butter and almond slice – was flipping incredible. Bodes well for future BAKE endeavours.

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How to make chutney

April 23, 2011

1. Steal apples from a wild tree growing on the verge of a highway.

2. Procure further apples from ancient farm tree belonging to one’s father.

3. Google ‘spicy apple chutney.’ Find this recipe. Write it out in scribbly greylead on the back of an envelope.

4. Neglect to inventory pantry contents until imminent departure to market. Hastily weigh apples (4kg) and multiply recipe by factor of 4. Buy everything x 4.

5. Later that afternoon, start dumping things in a pot. Sugar x 4. Sultanas x 4.

6. Start chopping apples. 1kg. 2 kg.Put ’em in the pot.

7. Realise that you are a complete dunderhead and read POUNDS as KILOS in hasty pre-shop weighing. Realise this means you only have 2kg apples. 2kg of apples now mingled with twice the amount of sugar and sultanas required. Curse that you didn’t just chop apples first.

8. Think about dashing out for more apples. Consider that this means more chopping.

9. Pick out all the little bits of chopped apple. Scoop out sultanas into sieve. Try to shake off as much sugar as possible. Spill sugar everywhere until floor is good and crunchy and the bench is sticky.

10. Start again.

11. Remain quite relaxed throughout because you’re on a 5-day public holiday spree from work and everything sparkles with autumnal sunshine and work-free goodwill. No wuckas, mate!

12. Boil for hours. Bottle. Look forward to months of spicy sandwiching.

Recipe x 4 x 2 with tweaks to adapt from foolish imperial measurements

  • 4 kg 2 kg of cored apples (with peel on. Peeling is booooooring.)
  • 1 kg onions
  • 250 g sultanas
  • 700 g sugar
  • 2 heaped tbsp of each: paprika, mixed spice, salt and ground coriander
  • 850 mL malt vinegar

Chop, chuck in pan, boil until vinegar vapour is peeling the paint in your kitchen and curling the hairs in your nose. Bottle in sterile jars.

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Blue steel

January 20, 2011

The Cumudgeon modelling my latest craft extravaganza:

This scarf blanket should be done by winter when we’ll actually need it. Unless the moths eat it first.

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Rippling forward

September 24, 2010

If the ripple blanket is getting bigger…

…then why isn’t the wool pile getting any smaller?

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Ripple rage

September 11, 2010

I’m obsessed with ripple-pattern crochet thanks to this very clear and friendly tutorial by Attic24.

I’m turning this pile of hoarded wool skeins*….

…into a ripple blanket.

How is that just a little bit of undulation can turn ordinary old stripes into something I can’t stop looking at?

I’m stricken by the Rage Effect. You know when you’re watching Rage on ABC late at night when you should be in bed and you can’t tear yourself away. You tell yourself, “I’ll just see what the next song is and then I’ll turn in…” and two hours later, you’re still there. I keep saying, “I’ll just finish this colour and then I’ll put it down…”

There’s another unintended syndrome. I’m dying to make and eat Choc Ripple Cake.

*many of which were snatched from the clutches of kindly bestowed upon me by the generous Honey. Thanks again!

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Head toxins

August 1, 2010

I was rabbiting on about something or other yesterday morning, who knows what, when it became clear that the Curmudgeon wasn’t really listening to me.

“I’m sorry Lady, it’s just that your hair is so big. I’m looking at this tiny round face amid a mass of hair.”

My usual gauge for when I need a haircut is when it starts looking like the follicular statement sported by Lyn from Neighbours:

but maybe this time I’ve ignored the warning signs. Perhaps it’s what’s been causing my sore neckĀ  – it’s not that I “suffer from inefficient draining of toxins from my head*” but that my hair is larger than my neck can support.

In happier news, yesterday I made the calculator cake I’ve been promising to make for the Curmudgeon for about three years:

calculator cake

I hope it inspires the same puerile snickering in y’all that it did for us. I always enjoyed the humour of 5,318,008 more than the other classic number, 71,077,345.

*hilarious quote in the ludicrous Sunday magazine’s alternative therapy column last week. I believe it comes from one who proclaims expertise in aromatherapy and kinesiology. It made me laugh so hard that I hurt my neck.

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Tea party

July 18, 2010

Camberwell Market was kind to me today. How lovely is this teapot? ($5, made by Diana, Nefertiti range). It replaces the promisingly sunshiney yellow but devastatingly drippy $2 tip shop teapot.

So then I spent an hour or two of this rainy afternoon crocheting it a cosy. We tested it out with the deluxe cups and saucers that Vetti gave the Curmudgeon and me a few years ago (which we’re usually too frightened to use because I love them so, and they are made of fine porcelain and we are clumsy oafs) and look, matchy matchy! Mustard, grey and teal!

Report: Teapot doesn’t drip. We didn’t break the cups. And I have mad custom-cosy skillz.

Livebird. Covering the big issues of the day. Now, who wants to come round for a cuppa?