New Idea

July 1, 2011

Standing in line at the supes last night I beheld an execrable example of Photoshop whittling-down of female flesh. They’ve taken Princess Beatrice and hacked away the pixels bestowed upon her by nature and the papparazzi’s lens, then stamped “how I got my best bikini body” over the top.

I’ve circled the evidence for your convenience so you don’t have to think too hard. Notice the discrepency betwixt her hip above and below her hand?

Even I could do better Photoshopping than this, and I struggled to remember how to make a circle that wasn’t filled in while preparing this image for you. But the real problem here is this: they’re saying she’s not OK. Her body isn’t OK. Even when it’s her ‘best’ it’s still wrong. They’ve sliced her away as if she was bacon when actually she’s a woman. Furthermore, they’re saying to readers that THIS is what you should aspire to. This is ‘best’. But it’s not even real.

Don’t fall for it, ladies. Or gents. Magazines suck.



  1. Apparently Princess B had to wade through anorexia to find her “best” bikini body. What’s wrong with the before image again? I’m not seeing a problem there.

    Of course, she did not find THE best, as you point out, just her current best, or perhaps the best she could do given the horrible luck she fell into being born with the particular set of DNA that led to her growing into the figure she has. Poor dear, really. How do you ladies survive with such troubles…

    On the way into Sacramento, CA, there’s a lovely large billboard with the midsections of two females juxtaposed side by side. One bears a tad bit of tasty plushy loveable and huggable padding around the middle, the other appears to be a popsicle stick with curves on, but only very slight curves, mind you.

    Guess which one is in need of “fixing” on this 50′ tall, 80′ wide advert for liposuction. Fucking societal trends towards self-abuse fueled by industries (fashion, diet pills, diet gurus, etc) that depend upon said abuse for their very existence.

    This world wouldn’t recognize a real woman if she waltzed up and sat on its lap wearing nothing but a bikini.

  2. Az, fighting the good fight as usual. But you have to be careful about the term ‘real woman’ – since stringbean ladies are just as real as plump broadbeans.

  3. Too true, and I do often forget that, but only because so many of the stringbean types I see are very clearly broadbeans who have forced themselves through a clothes press or some other form of torture.

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