Put your Lotus in your Dirk and jump on your Brooks

February 16, 2011

Three cults from Europe have bewitched me of late.

1. Dirk

I’m told, by the folks who brought a Dirk bag for me back from Amsterdam, that Dirk van den Broek is a cult supermarket in the Netherlands. If you’re cool, you tote your stuff in a Dirk bag. Totes. And I love mine. “Shall we take Dirk?” I ask the Curmudgeon. He’s capacious, uncomplaining, and carries my books. Dirk, I mean. Curmudgeon not so much.

2. Lotus

I’m teaching some folks how to sew frocks. They are doing a smashing job of it. One of them has inherited a cult status Elna Lotus from her grandmother. I’m wondering whether she will be able to bear the responsibility of having such a coveted machine. Latest discovery: it fits in a bike pannier. All bow down and praise the almighty Lotus.

3. Brooks

I’ve been riding around on a 30 year old Brooks saddle for the past year or so. I pulled it off an old bike and thought it was pretty fine. Sadly, time and neglect took its toll and it’s all worn through. So I bought into the cult and bought a new one. I was told they’re hard and mean and slippery and take months to wear in. Pah, I said, I’m TOUGH. No wuckas.

A day later I can confirm – it’s flipping excrutiating. My ‘sit bones’ (hilarious euphemism) are screaming. Not so much the ‘sit bones’ but the lardy buttocky flesh that cushions them does not like the new saddle. I’m told that people with babies never tell people without babies just how sucky childbirth is until after they’ve birthed the kid because they’re trying to recruit the childless to that most sinister of secret organisations, the Uterus Club. Then as soon as you’re knocked up, they laugh and say, yup, it’s torture. Bwooahahahrrrr. I think the Brooks Cult might share similar sadistic subterfuge. So I’ll grin and bear it, wear the saddle in, and a year from now, tell everyone how fabulous their saddles are. Sure, you should get one!

So, what cult have you joined? Go on. Comment from your iPhone.



  1. Um…working up on joining this one:

    Before you let that tongue of yours rip off a torrent of ridicule, lemme tell you that these guys do harnest to gardness charity fundraising work! And maybe the odd costume convention now and again 🙂

    • Az. I don’t know what to say.

  2. Well, really now…it’s an out-and-out craft bonanza. Really. These guys MAKE those costumes, all the way down to vacu-forming the plastic armor and everything. It’s a bit like getting a tattoo, though. Apparently, you get one costume put together and then it’s rather difficult to avoid going out and trying to get another one.

    The good news is that it’s a worldwide organization, so it is entirely possible that I’ll be marching down a street in Melby someday. Of course, you won’t know which one is me.

  3. I actually saw a Brooks saddle the other day, here on campus. Immediately thought of you as it was quite un-worn in. I’m guessing the proud owner was either very firm in the hindquarters region, or had been duped by the cultishness of the thing.

    • I saw an ad for Brooks saddles the other day. It had two young and lovely models who had jumped from their classic roadbikes to grab and conceal a fox from a pack of hounds.

      I’m TOTALLY just like them.

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